I recently had a visit from a kind person. This person is honest and direct and told me after a few days that it bothered him that I tend to say negative things – as if I only notice them.
It hit me a bit and thanks to my now partly drug-influenced brain, he and I were able to deal with it instead of being directly afraid that I’d just been rejected. We talked about it, I dealt with it and from then on I talked about all the positive things I had noticed that day. I later showed him notes about a week where I endeavoured to write down positive things that happened to me every day, things that stood out to me, and so on. However, I also realised that this kept slipping under my radar and I couldn’t keep it up for long. The last year was already very negative and I couldn’t seem to get out of these spirals. Thanks to this person who told me so directly and also explained what was actually meant. And not with any big “pseudo” psychological talk behind it. We are all not professionals \ud83d\ude09 – maybe some of you are, but that’s not the point \ud83d\ude1b<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now I’m writing this publicly here: I’m doing well! I’m making progress, I’m daring to do something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This week I’m going to a camp – alone. I’m going to manage without one person being there for me 24\/7. I have left 2 university courses so that I can do others safely (adult or something). I’ve managed to cut, print, colour and draw lots of postcards over the last few days. It’s now an 8 line “space \/ landscape” series and they come 7\/8 in but in very colourful. They remind me a bit of 80s and trash – I love them. You could say I’m a bit proud of myself.
I’m finding my self-worth again. I also believe that I can “create” this art stuff.
I feel more comfortable in my own body again and I have renewed motivation for sport, art and further development. \\o\/ all in all: I am doing great!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If a manager (best wishes to p. <3) makes it (no pressure) there will be a ko-fi shop and a gallery on my homepage just in time for the camp. There’s a QR code and my website on the back of the card. Quasi advertising in self-production. I’ll write a separate article about the workaround.<\/p>\n\n\n\n